Love Hearts.

Yesterday, my life got a million times better. I had spent the night at Jocks and we had gotten up early to do some shopping. We bought him some stuff to make his TV work, cups, kettle, etc. We ended up in this really cute retro candy store and he pointed to this one bar of chocolate that had those little red and white love heart jelly sweets in it. The name of the chocolate bar was “I Love You”. I laughed it off. We continued around the store and I picked up Love Heart sweets – I fucking love those. We went back to the chocolate bit and this time he pointed to a smaller bag of chocolate, still with the same name – “I Love You”. Once again I laughed it off.

We got back in the car and on our way back to his, I opened my Love Heart sweets. The second candy in the tube said “Love You”. I took it out of the packet and discreetly popped it by the side of me and I continued to share my candies with Jock. I took this as a sign. He pointed to the “I Love You” named candies in the store and the second Love Heart in my tube said “Love You”

Once I had finished the tube of candy, I sat with the one remaining “Love You” candy and I looked over at him. I stared for a few moments and I don’t think he noticed. I realized how much this guy meant to me already. This guy was my everything right now. I love every moment I spend with this guy. I reached over and put the final candy on his leg. He looked down at it, then looked at me, then tried to drive with this funny, odd looking expression on his face.

I shit myself, naturally. I’d blown it. I’d scared him off. I said it too soon. I totally freaked out. It wasn’t a good moment for me.

He kept looking over at me and I kept looking away. I was embarrassed by my cute little candy gesture. I felt like I was at school again with a crush on the fittest boy in school. Did I seriously think I could make this guy fall in love with me? What the hell would he want in me? Why did I have to go and put that candy in his lap? I should have just eaten it. Twat.

I have a crazy obsession with Miley Cyrus right now. I don’t know why I do but I love the girl. I think she’s fucking fabulous. She’s exploring shit; let her damn well get on with it. We all went a little nuts when we were kids. Give the girl a break. Anyway, right now I love the song “Wrecking Ball” – her new song. In this weird phase of Jock looking at me and me looking away, that song came on. IT just reiterated something for me – things went right for me when Jock was in my life.

I looked at him and he looked right back at me.

“If you mean that, that’s fucking awesome. I’ve wanted to say that for a while now”

Those words made my heart thump something crazy. He feels the same? He does feel the same! Things were pretty quiet for the rest of the journey home.

We went back to his and fixed his TV. As he left to go out the back of the trailer, he shouted back at me “Be right back, love you”

OH MY GOD! HE FUCKING SAID IT!

That was the first time he said it! That’s the first time either of us has actually said the words. I just sort of stared at him as he walked out with this puzzled expression on my face and I felt so bad about it, I sent him a little text with a red love heart in it – that was my first red love heart.

Later on that night, we were snuggled up on the couch watching TV, wrapped in a blanket and all I could think about was saying those words to him. For the whole hour that we just lay there intertwined, I stared at him in the darkness, watching him blink, watching him breathe, watching him relax and all I could think about was saying those three little words. I hadn’t actually said them to him yet.

I said to myself, the next time I hear the word “Love” on the TV, I’ll say it to him. I’ll just say it like out of the blue. That word was said on the TV thirty seconds after I thought that, I kid you not. Every time I asked for a sign, I was given a fucking sign. Still I was petrified of saying those three little words. I felt them; I knew I meant them, so why the fuck couldn’t I say them to him?

We lay there for a whole hour, not saying anything, him watching the TV and me staring at him. Fuck it. I’m going to say it.

“I Love You”

He looked at me, took my head in his hands and kissed me so softly I thought my heart was going to explode. He looked right at me and said “Oh I love you”

My heart melted right there, ladies and gentlemen. I am one hundred percent, head over heels, hopelessly and excitedly in love with this man. I’ve known him for a little over three months and I worship the ground he walks on. He has ignited a passion in me that I haven’t felt for a really long time. He is better than any drug I’ve ever taken. He’s better than any lover I’ve ever had. We click and man, do we click good! He only needs to kiss my neck a little and my clothes fall off. He runs his hands up and down my hips as his head moves down to my nipples, lightly sucking them and nibbling them and flicking them with his tongue. I’m wet in seconds for his touch. He rocks my damn world already. And do you know what? I’m embracing it! With him, I’m not so scared of getting my heart broken. I never let OB or The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of get close enough to my heart in order to break it. I’m giving Jock my heart with two hands outstretched. Statistically speaking, we probably won’t end up having the great happy-ever-after that we wanted, so that means that we are going to need to break up. He’s not going to be the one for me, is he? Some people go their entire lives searching and never find that special person; am I really going to be one of the lucky ones that it happens to?

I don’t even care. He makes me feel so good about myself. I’m down to 150 pounds in weight now too. It’s falling off me and I LOVE it! People are commenting on how much weight I’ve lost and it’s such a confidence boost. It’s an amazing feeling and one I’m becoming decidedly addicted to.

Oh and his ex knows now. Apparently he got his (step-) daughter’s birthday wrong and she replied with a shitty “Maybe that’s your girlfriend’s birthday?” Ah well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag now. They had a little fight about it I think. I don’t care that she knows. What’s she going to do? She didn’t want him, he’s mine now. And I’m going to treat him decidedly better than what he said she treated him.

So yeah, that’s what’s going on in my life. He loves me. Giggles. And I love him back. Giggles.

Love Hearts <3